7:17am — wake up, baby still asleep
7:18am — visit the bathroom
7:43am — take shower which includes shaving and lathering up the body
7:45am — turn up the radio to hear radio game called Stereotype Me
7:56am — finish getting dressed for the day
8:03am — baby’s eyes are now open, commence changing the baby’s nappy/diaper
8:05am — snap the final button on baby’s onesie and kiss her on each cheek
8:05am — hand baby off to mom for some nourishment
8:10am — make peanut butter sandwich for mom accidentally using moldy bread
8:12am — pour bowl of Kashi cereal for Mrs. Lessinges and examine moldy bread
8:15am — throw away remainder of offending loaf of bread
8:28am — gather belongings needed for work and attempt to head out front door
8:42am — finally exit the front door
8:47am — realize that I’m wearing pants that ripped in the crotch a few weeks ago
8:55am — called Mrs. Lessinges to ask if she can bring me a replacement pair of jeans to work…
Crotchless pants, eh? Slut.
Moldy bread always ruins my day. Ugh…sorry about that.
you wild man! i hope your undergarments were appropriate?
Brookem, I bet he was going commando.
You fed her a penicillin sandwich?
I hope you were going commando or wearing stripes. What a great image. Were they your bike shorts?
Now my next question…how did the crotch get ripped in the first place?
commandorun–your tale reminds me of an e-mail address of an old flame. That sould have told me everything i needed to know.
these things happen…maybe put those pants far from the closet until they are repaired? heh.
I’m impressed that it only took you all of 5 minutes to realize you were wearing those pants.
Me? I’ve gone nearly a whole day at work before realizing I was wearing two different shoes …
I’ve knowingly put on crotch ripped pants before because I loved them so much. Some clothes are just too difficult to kiss goodbye.
Do you put your bread in the fridge?
So long as you were wearing your Superman jocks,you’re allowed to wear crotchless pants.
I’m sort of not sure what’s worse, the mold or the hole. I’m torn. heh heh heh
Crotchless? Are you sure they aren’t chaps? Breezy
Arm you make me laugh! If anything this just proves what an attentive daddy you are. You didn’t even realize that your bits were hanging out!
rofl, you know many a person would have just said ‘fuck it, my crotch needs to be free’ – glad you’re not one of THOSE guys.
(though politically speaking I am all for crotch freedom. Oh yes, let it be known that I am not for the oppression of crotches)
Dude. I cannot believe you wouldn’t want to sport crotchless trousers at work. That sounds like prime blogging material.
Don’t make me play the Spongebob ripped pants song!
You are such a clever little monkey. Except for the ripped crotch thing.
Armalicious – I love how nonchalant you are about the whole “slut” thing. Well played. Moldy bread is no bueno for nursing mom.
Brookem – ummm, the undergarments were lacking. Oh, that’s not true. The color, white, was not a good selection.
Armalicious – I go commando to work all the time. Why not? Easy access as they say.
Tall Chick – no, not bike shorts. I did give her a penicillin sandwich. Make sure to collect your $200 for passing Go.
Armalicious – they got ripped out from running up and down too many stairs with low rise jeans and a bit of weight gain. There you have it.
Diane Mandy – an ex of yours had that as his email? I won’t ask what yours was.
Sizzle – I’m sending them to Goodwill. Someone can cut them up and make some cute and crafty out of them. I don’t want the ventilation there.
Chaos Control – yeah, but I was in my car halfway to work when I realized it. It’s a damn good thing I had my longer rain coat on to cover me. I felt like a flasher.
Tim – that’s very true about the pants. It’s hard to kiss well worn shoes goodbye too even when they smell like ass and offer no protection from the elements.
Sprizee – damn you. Yes, I put bread and tomatoes in the fridge. Kidding, tomatoes yes… no on the bread though. It resides on the counter.
Jayne – if only that were the case. They were boring white boxer briefs.
Justrun – oh no you didn’t. Nice work on that pun. I’m in stitches.
Ms Chica – gotta love the assless chaps, but not sure about the crotchless ones.
—– Baby awake ——–
Hilarious! Do we get to see a pic of the culprit?
Hello, monsieur Egan. I hope all is well.
I notice that at no point in this tale did you throw away the peanut butter sandwich. This is a concern…
Wasn’t it “in” in the 80′s to wear ripped pants with colorful underwear showing? Maybe you are trying to refresh a trend?
I love this, but the part I can’t get past, the part I am totally jealous of is that you don’t leave for work until so late. My husband leaves at 4:30 am and none of us see him until late at night. He says he still kisses me goodbye every morning, but I don’t ever remember it anymore because I am sound asleep.
If you like a bit of a breeze ’round your privates, you could try a housecoat. (Was it a housecoat, Manda? A frock?)
I may have to promote you to Supernova Status if you keep this up.
Airam – my bits weren’t dangling too much since I was in the MINI and well supported. Call it good fatherhood if you must though.
Mez – I came close to saying that, but then I asked some pretty woman if I should change… she snickered so I knew my fate.
Mez – ha, I knew you wouldn’t want someone to oppress anything. You’re good like that.
Pants – the easy access part could be nice, but I don’t need the woman I almost reported to HR to stare any more than normal. She might be tempted to grab.
Liv – shall I consider it good that I don’t know this particular Spongebob song? Yes, I’m thankful.
L – stop addressing my penis when you talk to me. Up here!
ChickyBabe – maybe, I threw the pants on the bed this morning so I’m likely to make the same mistake again.
Winters – good point, I did chuck the sandwich in the trash at the same time as the offending loaf of bread. Welcome back!
Tori – 4:30am? What the hell does he do for a living? It’s not like he’s on the West Coast working with the East Coast i.e. stock market. And he returns home late? So you’re basically raising four kids on your own? Wow, fun times.
Tall Chick – I like the sound of Supernova Status. I have to keep churning them out to show you I’m not a dormant blogger. I’m alive and well yo!
The Diary of a New Parent.
Meno – crotchless pants should be worn by all new parents. It would make life much easier and allow me more free time.
grabbing = bad